I offer experimental wedding videography for your wedding, your relative's wedding, your co-worker's cousin's wedding, your best friend's wedding, or your political opponent's wedding at the price of $3000 a wedding plus travel expenses.
I 100% do not guarantee:
any satisfaction with the finished product.
I will capture any special moment, such as the exchange of the ring, walking down the aisle, kissing the bride, etc.
that the objects being filmed will be relevant, in focus, or clearly recognizable.
I do, however, guarantee that:
I will capture a multitude of random and insignificant moments you would never have remembered or perhaps even believed if it weren't for my filming.
your wedding video will be unlike any wedding video ever produced by a human or non-human being.
your grandma who couldn't make it will say the words "What in God Jesus' name is this?" just moments after pressing play.
Why choose experimental film as the medium for memorializing your wedding?
Let's face it, with traditional wedding videography the only magic you'll capture is the magic of public access television. With my first-rate, fully uninsured, never-any-money-back guarantee experimental wedding videography, you can turn the forgettable and ephemeral moments of your special day into a haunting sequence from a David Lynch movie that you will remember even years after the divorce!
For $3000, you get:
one day of filming
one experimental film of your wedding with a running time of at least 15 minutes
I also offer these add-on and upgrade services:
original score for the wedding video: +$1000
extra day of filming: +$1000
Super 8 option: +$500 per every 3.5 minutes (one reel) of super 8 footage
documentary-style interviews of up to ten friends and relatives about their failed romances, personal philosophies, words of caution, objections to the marital union, and preferences in literature: +$2000
narrative upgrade: Instead of producing an experimental short film, I transform the banality of your wedding day into a dramatic, feature-length film worthy of the oscars: $20,000 + travel and crew expenses.
FAQ
Where are you located? I am based in Western North Carolina, but don't worry about location--pay for my travel expenses and I'll be there in Japan or American Samoa.
Are your experimental wedding video services for real? Yes. Anyone who pays for an experimental film of their wedding will get one.
Are your prices negotiable? I will trade my services for a Steinway grand piano in top condition, delivery included. Other negotiations will also be entertained.